Love u too SISSO..!

THIS POEM IS COMPOSED BY MY LOVING SISTER , MISHIKA, FOR ME WHICH WILL ALWAYS REMAIN IN MY HEART TILL MY SOULS SUPPORTS...!!!!

All memories cherished in my heart
will be there till my life departs
but this last class 12th of our school
is passing really very soon,,<3
Hope we would have met before
so that we would be more close
but still its good that actually we met late
coz its the shortage of something that makes us straight
Its not the end of our friendship "friend"
its just what we call the rising sun
don't know about u and your heart
"but u'll always be there in my heart till my soul departs"

MY SOUL HAS GROWN

I don't know how I will be doing it but yeah ! A new wish, a new dezire arouse in my little stupid mind yesterday night while i was reading " The Valkyries " by PAULO COELHO.

I am really inspired by his writings. I am reading the second book written by him. There is an invisible truth of life. I am not at that age of my life where i can say that i am done with this magic but i can say , that being 17 , my soul has grown !

I am afraid of people around me and i have to come over this fear of mine. Somewhere i read "one should fear his own fear". Though it is my present scenario but still i am fed up of it. I am not afraid of spirits, ghosts, devilish things around me but i am afraid of a common man . And day by day this fear is getting more intense. I know this is all because i have no control over my second mind.

Ya ! first let me introduce what second mind is . Its just the second part of our mind which never takes a pause break , which never gets tired and keeps performing its task. But sometimes, its the only one which makes us do things which we never have done or ever wanted to do. It never stops like our heartbeat and keeps working "dhak -dhak dhak- dhak"!!!

For eg :-if we start humming a tune in the morning or when we are working or so, then lately we observe that we have been humming the same tune the whole day long. Actually when we are working then we pay no notice to it...but our second mind..its catches it and then it takes it as a routine for the specific day.

If one gains control over his/her second mind , then he will win over him/herself. Though it sounds to be a very easy task , but it isn't so. One has to sacrifice alot.

We need to remember one thing,that in this process we shall always listen to our heart because decisions made by mind will always be having some bias thoughts but decisions by heart are always pure.

OK ! OK! I know , this time i was totally distracted and out of my point i was here to discuss.

I was telling about my new dezire. Well its an old one that i wish to witness a miracle in life . But that miracle is to have my angel walk with me, talk with me.

Hope i will catch n reach my destiny...!!!

Todays rain....

Well , suddenly clouds appeared...in this scorching heat a new hope arose.
After some little storms it rained...i have some clicks...the way white and black clouds were moving..

WHY I FEEL SO..:( ?

I don't know why , but somethings' really going wrong within me. Really , sometimes i feel that i am on a cross road.
Ah! you might be thinking that always i talk about crossroads . actually conditions are such that i cannot stop myself :(.
Why its so?
Means we always wish to have a thing which is really difficult to get. In that process we start undergoing a different stress. We start feeling that we aer handicapped because though getting near to what we wish to have we could not actually get . The situation is like a deer in a desert in search of water.
This is the normal human tendency. This feeling is just uncontrollable.Then from this another feeling takes birth which we call jealosy.Really , i hate such feelings arousing in my mind. But then i make myself understand that its just a simple human nature. What we need is to have self determination and  peace in mind and move on without getting affected whats going on around.

Ah! again i am not talking of what i was here , i dragged myself away.I am really afraid . I don't understand what i want . At this stage,when i have my last year of school near , which will decide my future,. How can i let anything else affect me.
What i want  is to just move on with my family, my best friends mishika and pulkit and other friends , my desires, my future ,my aim , and which need to be bothered of.In short my present.  But its not happening.
I am trying to move on but still some or the negative force is not letting me to move on .I am stuck at the same place and bothering about some people and some of their cheap thoughts for me , knowing that there are people out , who understand me . At every second i feel i need to prove myself. I hate this feeling of mine. Really oh gosh..!!!!

I just want this moment to stop but at the same time i wish it moves on...This dilemma is killing me from inside.
I know, people reading this may call me a freak .But i would like to ask you , haven't you ever felt the same at some stage of life ???
May be your conditions might have been different than mine, but still.

I am still left unanswered . Iam not able to find a person who would answer all my questions. I am still in search of that angel of mine.
Though i already have 2 angels of mine but still i want to meet that godfather of those angels...
I am feeling really wierd...i want this feeling to leave me at once.

I know , all who have been reading this are left confused with lots of questions in their minds.But yeah,they may feel the pain and anguish , this dilemma, the grudge , etc etc i am being through.....

Jealuosy surrounds

Sometimes ,like its a human tendency, if someone else starts coming more closer to the one you love,may be your bestfriend , family or love of life, then we feel jealous. This is all because we don't wanna lose those people in our life. We don't want any misunderstanding to become our seperating factor..
But we never think any positive side of it..we always start thinking about all negative we can think. isn't it?

Due to this feeling of jealousness...many people take wrong decisions in life..and later they realize when they find themselves on crossroads...really its very hard..i dont know what else to write..may be i get later on..

ANXIETIES...

As my days of ending 12th are coming closer day by day , a feeling of losing something very special keeps striking my mind. This precious jewel are my loving friends , the fun n masti we have together.

The time we spend together, these days are if once gone, then they won't ever return. I wish the time stops here..But this is something unusual . The time never stops for anyone , we have to move on with the memories we have collected together.

I will really miss my friends, specially ajit, with him i fight the most ,sumit ,anurag,alpas,tarun,kanchan,moid,pritesh,sneha,anoop,abhishek,sajid and last but not the least my besties,bestest friend, my sis mishika...This is the place(school) where we started this story.

I wil miss our famous five which has been recently made,
f1-mishika
f2-tanjul(me)

f3-ajit

f4-anurag

f5-sumit...

we are like looney toons...fighting , doing fun , sharing happiness and sorrows with each other..etc etc,,

we are the future rockers....hope god bless all of us...

will keep writing some more pages, which will be of lifetime remebrence for me...
till then i take your leave...

Missing you..!!!

Really it hardly happens...when we get closer to some people so deeply that a second without them seems to be a year...same way my bestfriend n my sisso "ms".....really missing u this...

                                                           hope you're doing the same...
                                                              miss you

mistakes....!!!

Man makes hundreds of small and big mistakes.

we keep commiting them and people keep witnessing ! many do realize the point but some just pass it away and repeat the same again.

But hardly anyone realizes this fact that one mistake can change their life.One single mistake makes loved ones apart, brings misunderstandings between happy couple...just one single mistake.

But it is not in our hands too to stop everything...its HE who is just monitoring us...who knows whats the actual truth behind it...

Today i am here but still i'm not aware whatever i'm writing of....its just coming from within...i wasn't prepared for it..i just came to check and suddenly felt that i should write something...

Actually you may say that i have a point,its my childhood friend debarun.

I really trusted him alot and we spent lots many happy moments together..i considered him to be the best...all sorrows and happy moments of mine i used to share with him. Whenever i had any problem i talked to him .

But today, the conditions are so worst that we treat each other as strangers.We don't even look at each other.This all happened because of one silly mistake. I wish it never happened. I really miss those days , when me, my sis and deb used to have lots of fun. But yeah we both have come so far, that we cannot go back n start from there where we ended. No question of going back.That faith and trust is no more left.We literally hate each other. I just wanna ask God , why???

I wish it never happens with any one...:(

i came across !!!

some great lines i came across  while i was in my school library....
Really strength giving....hope all readers like it....

Do what you love,
Drop your negative friends , without hesitation.
Do your research, don't put up with crap.
Help others out ,
Compare yourself against yourself,
Acknowledge your strengths.
There is no need for you to put yourself down......
And the life goes on and on and on......


just remember :

"woods are lovely , dark and deep,
but i have promises to keep.
i have my future to reep,
miles to go before i sleep."

:"( a strange story :"(

Some people, like me , trust some people so much that when they are ditched , they are not ready to face the pain.In my case , its not sometimes,  but its most of the time the same case...!!1

I cannot tell you directly what happened so again i'm back with a story of mine...which'll make you understand....

There were 2 friends , oliver and cassy.

They lived in california, they were childhood friends...
We don't even come to know when we become so close to some people in a short span of time.

Similarly oliver and cassy were bestest pals. They couldn't live a single day without each other.Though  in college they met still they called each other after getting back home n talked about all stupid things they were experiencing as they experience many things which we commonly face in our teenage...its quite normal..and genuine...all was going well, they were living happily , doing masti, hanging out , playing football and studies ... everything was on track.
 Suddenly ,one day Cassy went to oliver with the worst news ever he heard from her...Cassy was leaving california. They both were going to be seperated. This came as a shock for both of them. They never expected that something like that would ever happen.Cassey's dads' job called them to Mexico. Well in this 21st century , its very easy to get anywhere but still its not so easy.

And they left. Earlier Oliver was like broken badly but atleast he had the support of other friends but Cassy , she was going to a totally new place where she was not knowing anyone. She got admission in a new school. where she faced many problems. She got friends to talk with but no one was there who could take the place of Oliver. Not actually his place but somewhat like him. On the other hand, in California , Oliver was missing Cassy but he kept enjoying too with other friends,....his routine didn't change..Now the circumstances changed. They hardly texted and talked on phone. All was changed... She started getting depressed. She kept missing Oliver more and more, the fun they had together , the night outs, movies, football, everything they did together. And Oliver stopped missing her.. Whenever Cassy tried to make any contact, any or the other problem occured. Oliver got other friends to share his secrets and all and cassy's space in his life was lost. When she (cassy) realized this fact she was left heartbroken because she always kept Oliver at the top in her list but Oliver changed with time...she asked again n again to herself that why she is struck with the same past? why she is not able to move on?

She also started living alone . After some months were passed by, she came across a girl in her batch lolita !

Lolita was a cool and lovely girl .  She hardly trusted or interacted to anybody. Slowly and gradually Cassy and Lolita satrted spending time together and got more closer. Lolita supported cassy alot after knowing the circumstances she had been through. And tried to bring her out of it. Then cassy also did the same as Oliver did. Actually Oliver's place was not left anymore it was all Lolita's now.

But still Cassy had a  fear of losing her again..

But this time it was something different. They had a different bond which was hard to break. They had misunderstandings but didn't let those misunderstandings harm their friendship...

and this friendship is forever...god bless them...

still this story seems to be incomplete i don't know why...may be it has no end or may be lolita and cassy will together give it an happy ending ,,,so we need to move on with no expectations !!!

moral : many a times it happenes that either we are living forever with our childhood friends but in most cases this childhood friendship isn't successful. Always misunderstandings are created, its upto us how we face them...I am not against it but it in my case this is what happened...i wish those who leave people like cassy back alone realize how it feels when they leave. understand the pain...

hope this friendship lives long.....

My 17th Birthday !!!

My birthday falls on 3rd of 5th month every year...last year a bit different excitement was there as i was turning sweet 16 but this year i wasn;t anxious at all. I missed my bestfriend on this day...I really miss my old days in my previous school with her...but yeah on this birthday i really got friend who i know won't leave me ever...its the one and only mishika,,,,i really love her.She cares for me alot and i for her...we really make the best bff...this yr it was tuesday. We had schools as usual...as i stepped into my class all friends wished me. They got me beautiful presents and cards...i was even gifted with loads of chocolates,,,!!! how fast the day passed , even i didnt recognize and i returned home. From then onwards the day felt so worst that i wished my birthday never came....it was feeling even worst then an ordinary day. I went for my evening classes and returned...no enjoyment nothing. Hope i don't have to see the same scene every year.

My bestfriend Mishika was the first one to wish me at 12:00 AM...thanks to god for such an awesome gift of mine....thanks alot..

this for u mysh-"love you sisso !!!"

5 May 2011

Well the day started fine....we normally went for our school assembly and the assembly was on the verge to start . Suddenly my class teacher called out 2 names-Tanjul sarkar and Saumya singh.I thought i'm being called for any punishment kind of . It was too embarassing....We continued standing there. Then one of the teachers said that there's an award function so i thought that i am being called for helping them in distributing medals and certificates but then the give away ceremony also started and i wasn't being called..Now the tension grew more intense then suddenly i heard my name-"from class 12th , tanjul sarkar backed first position in english olympiad'!
i was toh totally shocked. Means it was just unexpected.I went and my eyes felt wetty.I was really very happy.all were congratulating me...then the day further went awesome with lots and lots of laughter with friends...It was really unexpected but yeah i am proud of myself.
my class rank was first,state rank 116 and international level rank was 844.
Really....i wish for more unexpected victories in future....!!!!!!