ME AND MY SCHOOL FRIENDS.....

Umm..i'm a bit confused in deciding with whom should i start....ohki'll take randomly...

 Kanchan - " She is really a sweet gal , really i love her company. She is very helpful but exam ke time no help in cheating ...hehehehe...we call her scooty DOUBLE BATTERY . isn't it funny...:P..she is good in studies too.. actually she is very studious..whole day she sits with some or the other work in class and we make fun of her..but she really enjoys. "

Sneha - " she is also a mast type girl, her writing is really pretty..she is fond of cool things...and above all , she is a bengali and we both when come together then start making fun of our friends in our language..and that's really fun...she is cool and yeah one of the members of TMKS "

Ajit - " well he's very panicky guys, in everything he needs to present an involvement.. i fight with him the most..huh his bad habit of turning back..hehe..but yeah he is also one of my buddies...i really luv calling him "hey brother "...seriously..."

there are many more friends..these are the one's who just rock....

Sumit - " hmm.. he is a calm & quiet boy..:) ..well iski lambi umar hai..he is my partner in chemistry practical..we really have great fun doing practs..hehehe..he has a girlfriend..i really luv teasing him.."

Alpas - "umm he is too a nice guy and a very good friend of mine as others are...But don't know why he's getting special like kanchan and sneha...he is really trustworthy. I don't care how he treats other , but he treat very well with me and mish...really love his company... as kanchan and sneha...!!!"


 There are many other friends like pritesh , moid , tarun , varun , akansha , diksha , harshita , rajnish , anurag  , abhishek ,etc....



Now ,

Mishika Srivastava -"She is my sisso, even more than that ...she supports me in evry circumstance and i think we both are the naughtiest ones in the whole batch among girls..i hope so...really love her alot...means can't live without her...really i'm getting short of words..but actually i wanna say lots more ."

MORNING WITH TEARS !!!

I was reading "unquiet spirits" very quietly early in the morning in my dark room. Suddenly dad called & maa woke up.
She asked me that are my friends mad that they are planning for a movie. I said - " no mom, friendship day is coming so we just thought of it " . Then she said -"i don't like comparing , but see your cousin and your neighbour's daughter , they never go out alone , or with friends and all . " I said - "maa, don't worry , i always say NO to my friends four outings and all ".
But she took this in a wrong sense. According to her i shouldn't bring up such thoughts in my mind. Now it is totally not possible for me. Ah ! i really feel failed , living up my life....

Now i want to go up to my mom and feel to say - "that i don't want to be like rishika di (my neighbour's daughter ) and neither like my cousin . I really want to live a life independently . She (rishika di) is totally dependent on her mom & dad . Wherever she wants/have to go , she has to look for her parents. Where in my opinion , i don't want this thing in my life , i really want to fly free . I know my limits as birds know while flying high in the sky .
I know the world out there isn't good enough ,  but how should i explain her that i'm 17+ and i'm in 12th grade , atleast i'm big enough to take some very little decisions of my life. But no , she thinks that i am a small baby. According to her if i'll spend time with friends in outing and all then i'll get away from my parents. Now , please someone go and tell her that in this way i'm missing the enjoyment of my teenage. I really wish i would have got that. I also wish to have fun out with friends. They make me feel happy whenever they're around me. You know , i never ask for any outing from my mom , because i know the answer would be no as always , ah expected. And then , i really hate that no . Recently on 31st july , my previous schools' friend Srishti is throwing a party for her birthday and i have been invited but i didnt even talk about it to mom because i know i won't get the permission. huh ! This NO always brings tears in my eyes.
Really i'm fed-up of this life . OK, i'm not big enough but i'm not too small even . I am really frustrated .
Can anyone imagine my life ? NO !its just school to hom, then home to coaching and then again back coaching to home...bas then study and sleep . No fun at all except at school.
There are thousands of things and wishes in my heart which i can't even bring out. I'm frustrated ,i'm not happy at all. Since last year , i smiled heartly at school and only a few times at home. I really cherished the fact that i always was a happy girl , kept smiling 24/7 . People too liked me for this but now , i hardly find a reason...there are many other things whch will neva let me smile..

I really love my mom more than anything else in this world , that's why i don't dare to ask anything because i know she would get angry & i will also become upset.
I really imagine how she got a scooty for me , really i always dreamed of it but i knew it won't ever come true.

My life is just fucked up . I really love to be happy , I hate tears in my eyes.
But i think its my fate . I really loved living my life but now i feel , it should end up soon. Im not able to focus on any particular thing . Why GOD , who gives us happiness gave only sorrows in my box.
Why I'm not happy ???

Who has got the answers ???
NOONE....

I am really alone....i really am......

Fake Smile....

Ah ! well just thought to pick this word to have a better start....
well i don't know why i got tears in my eyes...i'm really feeling my life burdened...
I know i've would have got some happy memories to share..but seriously i'm losing my strength. People say i should stop thinking negative but what to do god shows all the positivities in those negatives...i don't know where my fate will take me but i've no hope left,,,i'm fedup....why god chose me for this...why i have to give so many tests,,,really now i feel my life is a huge burden for me.

Huh ! i was actually missing my real smile today, which came directly from heart. Now whenever i smile , 80% its fake...Now whom i should blame for this?

My life , my fate , the conditions , or what ???????

What i feel , god sits over that princely chair in the heaven and too pass his time , makes tough circumstances,,,so that we face and struggle...huh...

i really adore my smile...really it refreshes me..but these days its getting dull..but this i can only feel noone else..they see the smiling face and become happy...no one knows what pain i'm going through...

I hate the most when they say "she smiles 24 hrs , i dnt like " really it hurts badly.... Because i only know how happy i am..really school is the only place where i laugh keeping aside all sorrows...hope it ends soon !

HI ...

Its a long time i haven't updated here, but today one of my friends OMI my regular reader , he insisted me to update the blog. Really wasn't able to make out time.


Many things happened in the past days.
I got one of the biggest suprises and really still its a dream come true...means really unbelievable , i got a scooty of my own...means my scooty "my activa"....its of balck colour n very hot hehehe..
I have no words to thanks mom,,,!!!!!!


I really want to thank omkar and anushka...as they are my frequent readers...i really feel great to have you guys..
I have my tests from tomorrow so will be busy for the whole weak but i promise on this coming weakend wiill sure provide you to read something..pakka...thanks

tanjul

ME AND MY MOM !

My mom !

ah ! Whatever i'll say is like a "little pebble dropped in a vast ocean".

Few days back, i was really upset so decided to accompany maa on her work. She is an insurance agent so she has to go to various places . But seriously, at the end of the day i realized that seriously my maa(mom) is one in thousands. I haven't made any mistake to place her at the top of the world , she is my inspiration " Mai chahkar bhi unki tarah nai ban paungi " ...HATS OFF to you MAA !

The dilemma i'm facing , it's like i want to do something for the lady whom Lord made my mother...oopsss chose me to be her daughter.

She looked after me since i was a new born baby, she taught me to walk , she taught me to read and write , she taught me to sing , speak , look with a positive vision , dance , smile , love and what not.

Really i'm lucky , but i don't understand how to make her feel lucky , proud to have a daughter like me . I never did any such thing she could ever be proud of !

Whenever i tried i just failed....

You know ? Whenever i watch mother daughter or mother son scenes in movies , tv-serials and all, i really feel coward. i don't know why. Means whenever they speak up the dialogues i wish to get

up and leave the room . Really i can't bear tears in my mom's eye but still i feel so weak i can't stop them. I really feel like a coward.

I know my "MAA" is not reading this but still wanna say , " Mom , i love you more than anything else   ! I can die for you but cannot see pain in you eyes . I wish i could have brought a beautiful smile on a beautiful lady's face but still i'm not successful enough. She smiles but always the reason isn't me.

I eagerly wait for the day when she would yell proudly with a gorgeous smile "yeah! that's my daugher" I really wish that day comes sooner. I can't even explain how much i love her . Really i wish if i could say to you " i love you mom "!
This relation is the most important one in anyone's life like mine.
I know many of the viewers of this blog might be reading and feeling the depth & many might be passing by , but just wanna say

I feel proud to be a daughter of yours, mom

I LOVE YOU MAA !

This is specially composed for my mother !

My mom is my inspiration ,

After god , she's the bestest creation.

No words to thank Lord,

For me she's my only God.

For her face's grin ,

I'll let go anything.

She's adorable,

and seriously impossible.

I will fulfil her dreams

and will take her to the land of jinnsssss

The terror of fantasy ...

I don't know , why i came up with this but it really laid a patch in my mind and m consistantly thinking about it.

So i would love to share this story from the book of my thoughts and imaginations...

It's a story about a girl who loved to live in a world of her own fantasies.It sounds intresting , isn't it ???

Well sometimes these fantasies seem to heal your wounds , deep on heart & sometimes these so called lovely fantasies leave you with an unbearable pain.

Same was with this girl TRISHA !

She was really a pretty girl spreading happiness around with a single smile on her face. She was really a lovely girl , adorable too.

I don't know why but suddenly a bitter phase struck the train track of her life.Earlier she managed to handle everything but then slowly and gradually conditions were tough and out of her self control.

Ah ! let me tell you a good part before bringing up the harsh truth.
This Trisha , she loved imagining things specially about nature,inventions ,reasons, music , dream of becoming a popstar, devils-spirits-ghosts & ya , about true love too, lolzz...!
And as a result , she always ended up with thousands of questions in her mind. huh ! silly girl.

But then she started believing and finding ways to make contact with afterlife. She wanted to know whether the world is right or there's a different truth behind it.
This is true that everything happens for a reason and with a reason. Now this reason can be the smallest thing too , like take a matchstick.A single matchstick can burn a house.
Following a good path in your life is your decision but still noone can estimate about what's gonna happen the very next moment.

Then she slowly slowly, started believing that some spirit from afterlife is her angel. Ah! " DREAMLAND'S DREAMWORKS " ...
But it was Trisha's fantasy , so i've got no right to make fun of that.

After few days , she started believing that she's becoming mad. Mad in what sense , even she couldn't guess.

The girl who loved her life the way she loved herself suddenly started believing that now she & her life has
become a burden. Really, now this was worst.

She wasn't able to share this killer thing with anyone she knew because she knew the fact that no common person is gonna believe this. She wasn't able to make her out of this hell. She believed her boyfriend whom she loved more than anything else might help him , but the same moment she realized that she can just miss him as they were not together anymore . She couldn't even talk to her parents , means what she would say " Maa paa , i am mad ! i am viewing hellish things direct from hell ! i visited afterlife !!!" ????
Even this will just be remarked as a nightmare she might have seen. Noones gonna believe her.
Everything was going wrong. The conditions were even more wilder. At a little conversation, when it wasn;t in her favour or someone didn't listen to her what she wanted to say, her anger reached the summit of Mt.Everest. She started hurting herself by various things like cuting hands with knife , compass , etc etc.
After few days she started seeing a girl who just resembled her. Everything was same. This fantasy girl started compelling Trisha for doing something really wierd & terrific.
You can't even guess !!!

She asked Trisha to kill herself & Trisha was really getting madder day by day.
This all went for a week or so & then one day a sweet innocent girl got killed. This death was a result of her taking over dose of sleeping pills.
She was dead ! Trisha was dead !
Her family just lost her , lost everything. Her mother kept crying day & night but she sailed to her world of afterlife !
Trisha never came back.

I don't know why i gave this story such a wierd ending but this journey was really terrific !
God bless her soul !!!  :(

Boredome days...

I am really waiting for my school to re-open.

I really feel like doing nothing. Means if i sit for studying then can't gain confidence which is required .It's all like a burden to me these days...I just don't feel to complete my lessons instead i'm in search of some miracle kind of.

And science? i'm not ready to accept this fact that i'm a science student and i really need to work damn hard to get good grades.

I don't understand why these vacations came in between.. I really started taking science as my passion and started enjoying everything in it before my vacations. I'm really waiting for 5th of July as my school will start and i know it will take me back on my track...

I know i have to do it . It's high time, i can't step back . Oh! angel , please gimme peace of mind.

I need to make things as before. Really missing school and my friends and yeah ! the fun we have...

-Tanjul

Oh gosh ! This rain ...(29 june & 30 june)

" Water water everywhere,
But not a single drop to drink ! "

Well i'm thankful to Lord , finally this year we are having rains to a great extent . Hopefully land is recieving required amount of rainfall . But i'm upset to see this continuous rainfall. It has really become difficult for people to travel without cars . And i'm seriously worried abut the condition in slums . Really difficult for those people to survive in mud houses when weather condition is such . Even in my house , ground floor i filled with water means water has entered the rooms. Really a shit situation . Had to shift some of the furnitures in order to prevent them from destroying due to that water.

People are really finding it difficult to walk on roads.

 I'm sorry to say, but its the truth , hardly  people bother about proper sewage system here in kanpur city (up,india). I feel sorry for those people and there shit mentality.

Because of such people we have to suffer alot. I have such people as my neighbours .Because of them only the lanes aren't clear and water blockage is there. hope they learn soon...

-TANJUL SARKAR