Love is what i feel !!!

i don't know from where or what to start with and neither i know that why i have chosen this title . let me tell you neither i am a good writer nor a grabbing orator. but still , there are many things i have come up with . as i told i am not very good at it but i just felt that i should make a trial , " akhir koshish karne walo ki haar kabhi nhi hoti !!! " actually frankly it's not me , its someone else who is very special to me and my bestest friend ,its he who asked me to do it , its he who encouraged me , gave the support required. he kept on saying that i should give chance to my writing but asusual i was always kind of a lazy thing means i was like a TAKE A CHILL PILL GIRL . but really , for me it proved right that time brings the biggest and the smallest changes in life. so not distracting from my motive i should actually come to the point . as a result of his support i am here with a pen in hand and a mind full of 1000's of titbits,wierd,pleasant,unusual,unbelievable and what not thoughts , which are making roundabouts or say trying to gather together for a meeting. huh ! that was an unsuccessful attempt to bring humour before i start .
so here i go.....
Well i am here with my second story after the new girl in school .
This is a story of a girl named shaina who was very free , not exactly in her life but in her thoughts and lived a life as if she lived in a dreamland. For her everything had its own innocence. She was girl full of anxities of living life with loads and loads of happiness !!!
This didn't remain the same ......
the story goes -
Something happened without Shaina's self-control and  that changed the view of her life.She was in love. At that time everything became more heavenly for her.But this is also true that happiness doesn't stays for long.She discovered soon that she was being cheated.
 At first, she found herself at a crossroad. Ah ! there were , as usual four paths to move on but DIL TOH BACHHA HAI JI  , when it broke it broke so hard that nothing was either visible or audible . Because of such an horrified past of her, she was too afraid that her fear didn't let her to move either of her steps in any one of those paths. She was so frightened that her mind had just made a set-up that she was never going to come out of that suffering and start moving ahead. It felt as if though all four directions were waiting for her to come, but she was not at all ready to move on them. But yaa , one thing she was totally sure of that atleast she got her own meaning , her own view point , her own definition for this four letter screwed up word LOVE . according to me now love was-
          
                " love is just a game of two hearts , which can say GAME OVER the very next moment . "

Don't you think it has the damn harsh truth in it ? Its right know !!! means falling in love is so easy, sharing feelings and ya it is the only thing which compells you to start watching dreams but in reality you never know whether they will even fulfill or not. As i said falling in love is not neither in our hands nor a very difficult task. wo kehte hain na - "pyaar toh bas ho jata hai" , but have you ever thought that what are you going to get through when this love has left you. No na? huh ! no one has actually . Even same was with Shaina . she hasn't ever thought of it. But then she was realizing the second important phase of love which was  HATRED.

After Shaina was a victim of it, she started believing that neither love was made for her nor she was made for love . So in short , they both weren't made for each other. She realized that ya it was a day when she felt it was the most happiesst one in the whole world becoause her love was with her but in reality she was totally unaware of the very next phase of this so called love life she has to go through . She was not knowing that few days of happiness and a feeling of being together with her love will directly throw her into a hell where she was lost and all alone. Though everyone was around Shaina, but still the one whom she wanted to be around wasn't with her. Actually her love never cared about her and her innocent feelings. It was so shameful that a girl like her was in such a condittion but as i told you , that time transforms a person. She had lost her original identity of what she was. For her, it felt as if everything was over, she was left with nothing except lonliness and emptiness. She lost hope of getting back her worderful life she had. seriously , she was at ehr worst part of life .

She was and is still very small for all these and she even knows that its just a very delicate period of her life or any other girl like her.

This teenage is the only phase which makes us grow up because it is the period when we come across many things and learn step by step. But Shaina had as if decided not to be happy. She stopped  believing in the beauty of this stupid stuff called love. For her it seemded as if it was a vast ocean in which if you are lost once , then you can never trace your way back .

Either it will break you totally or it will make you more stronger. Since there is no way out of it and no remedy for it, so it is crystal clear that there isn't any end of this blah blah so called ocean, huh !!!

When she was going through this tough period , she also came across many truths and falses' too. The most important one which she came across , that  practically proved to be super duper correct was this that boys always move with a photocopy of their hearts with them , so that they have a back-up facilty .Means if one broke their heart then without putting a band-aid the very next moment they can proceed and present it for someone else .But has anyone thought of whats the case with girls??? huh ! They only have one heart which they though lately but give it very soon to that person whom they are in love with while they don't even know whether their heart is going to be handled with care or not. And as in most cases like Shaina's, if they are left heart brokern tab toh for them the whole world seems to be a CRAP WITH MANY CRACKS !!! But its not even their mistake, its god who has made them like that with such delicate feelings. You know what i feel that he should have given us powers so that when girls like  Shainsa were if left heart broken then atleast like a VENGEFUL spirit they could break those heartbreakers. Though it sounds funny but really i wanna question him for this !

Well , as always i am distracted from my track !!!

Then slowly slowly she was coping up with those tough conditions. She also stopped staining her pillow covers with her so damn precious tears :). She got other reasons for her being alive.Her friends,  family , career and you know this was all because of one person, her bestfriend, her angel,Shlok. He taught her that LOVE IS JUST A PART OF LIFE BUT IT IS NOT  LIFE.

 At first go she was a bit against of it but again the very next moment it proved to be right. Ofcousre without love we are not going to die na ! And  after this thought was introduced in her mind, she started being happy, doing masti tappa with friends and famil. But still something was there which was not letting her to keep herself at peace.

She had started loving everything around her. She was actually not knowing what was happening with her , but yeah , one thing she was sure of and even shocked of too that she again started having that essence of love in her mind and surrounding. She was afraid of whats going to happen the next moment. She was totally a stranger to it , O gosh ! She didn't know why but she started loving to spend time with her bestfriend .Whenever she was with him she used to feel so special, delicate , unique,different ..Ah ! and what not. everything aruond her, the nature , her every single thought was  compelling her to get lost in that idiotic ocean again which she had decided not to look at. Means she was calling it an idiot but still the thought of being in it was giving her kind of goosebumps .It shaked her badly , Damnit ! But at the same time this love whichshei was falling in was unpredictable. She didn't want her heart to be broken again . For her it was onesided becoause she didn't even know what Shlok felt for her . Everything was like , disturbed kind of . Wo kehte hain na man mein buri wali UTHAL UTHAL si mach gayi thi. Shaina again started having dreams. she started believing the fact that if god is putting a SHUT DOWN to one door then another door is waiting for us to step inside its holy threshold. At one part it was a WOW moment but at the second it was a HOW moment! Means how can she fall in love with him. she knew this gonna hurt her again.

But , but , but , the story doesn't ends here. There was a sharp twist in it as i told everything was unpredictable. She decided to speak up to him and after fighting with all ifs and buts and

all occurng fears she finally spoke up to him. Then a complete silence surrounded them and she was just sensing his breath . She knew what was going to be his answer but something strange

happened which she haven't even expected. She just only heard 3 words - I LOVE YOU ! She was shocked , happy,etc. means , ah! the moment can't be explained .She was flying high. Wo

kehte hai na PAO TALE ZAMIN KHISAK JANA !! time started running like a rabbit. Its always with her when she wanted the time to move slowly it ran so fast like a rocket launcher was

flying to launch a satellite and when she wanted it to pass fast as it could, it moves worst than a tortoise. huh !! a total dismatch with what she wanted. Well , thats something different .

She was again changing but something else was this time , her love was not a result of infactuation as earlier. It was true and had a great depth . She was just in love with him. And this

feeling was tremendous. ah ! i don't wanna speak in a way as if i am presenting a movie dialogue but really whatever she was feeling , for me i just heard them happening in legends.

Everything around her now had a strange beautiful meaning for her. Oh wow ! She loved this feeling and she didn't want to lose it again. Actually she wasn't able to stand on floor. Wo toh

KALPANAO KI UDAAN BHARNE LAGI THI !!!

love is not what you see

not what you think

not what you hear

not what you achieve

its all that you feel in yourself.

you are in love

when you touch your heart and feel the touch of that person

when you close your eyes and have a picture of that person

when you take a deep breath and feel the closeness of that person

you are in love not when you think you are in love

you are in love not when you want to be in love

you are in love not beacause of some gud looks of a person

infact you are in love

when you keep telling yourself you want to be away from it

love is when you die for a glance of that person

love is when you are ready to do anything

just for a smile from that person

love is when you have tears for that person

love is when you start praying to god for the well being of that person

even if that persons' not you future....

For Shaina,her love is her inspiration , her admiration, her encouraging factor , her support , her strength, and everything. In short , its her life suppport system. But yeah its just a part of  life not life. So she am not going to ovelook other factors which have an equal importance .

Now i don't think i need to describe anymore, shabdo ne hi Shaina ke dil ka haal bata dia hoga. But  if you still need an answer then even i don't know what i am going to say..For now i am just left with moistened eyes .

Shaina word's-For me , my present says that i just need to walk ahead with what i have .I need not to worry about things i may lose because if anything is mine then surely i will get it but if its not my destiny then no one can compell it to be mine.I will happily let it go. But i just wish that on this long journey of mine ,my love walks with me hand in hand . There is no end for this love thing. I just wanna thank him,thank Shlok for making my life an inspiration for me , thanks .

Finally , i , putting my pen down ask your leave !!

by-

tanjul sarkar