A feeling of belonging to NOWHERE

There have been times when I wished to run back to my hometown to find some peace, run back to Kanpur. There I’ve my own house where I’ve spend my precious childhood, seen and felt myself becoming a teenager, seen my sister become a grow, every room, every corner is like my favourite corner.

I’ve always felt a different connection to this place and it’s people! I still remember and know the fact about my reaction whenever someone says I’ve become a total Mumbaikar. I don’t like to hear that. Because I’m not.

No doubt I did undergo some personality changes but still, that doesn’t make me a person belonging to a place like Mumbai. There are people who have got their respectful principles and all, but majority follows nothing, except that dark life. I don’t wanna be a part of it.

Anyhow, this is the first time I’m missing Mumbai. Maybe not the city but my daily routine, my friends , my freedom to breathe freely, my thoughts, my room, my things, my designs, my tools, etc.

I don’t know why, there is this weird feeling of losing something. I am not getting that peace of my mind which I  look for whenever I come down to my home. I do know few reasons which I’m bound for not disclosing but still there is something more which is real difficult for me to realize!

I feel lost and tired. I wanna find a place where I can find myself. Things turn out to be so complicated unknowingly !

I wish things were simpler!

Keep Reading me

Tanjul Sarkar

Jewellery consultant

Travel Freak

Finally found it

I have been writing on this blog for like 3 years and more but a girl who started blogging just a few days back taught me what real blogging is.

I had been suggested by one of my readers but I always ended up with a '?' .
But yesterday, while I was reading this girls blog, I finally found out that I don't write wrong but I need to work out on the ways of my writing. Simple.

Things should be short, sweet and simple.

In this 21st century, everyone is busy with their some or the other routinely work or something or the other. Who has got the time to read all those long paragraphs, Noone !
What can I expect from any random person reading my blog when I myself don't read such long passages until and unless they grab my interest !

So from now onwards I am gonna follow this. Try improve on my writing skills definitely ... haha !!!

Well actually I shouldn't tell you what I'm gonna do or not.. let the try be a surprise. I might be good at it...

Thanks #soulsister... Ms. Forum Damani... In a day you made me understand that thing which no one could in 3 years. Not even my brains :)

Thank You Miss Damani

Keep reading me...

Tanjul Sarkar
Jewellery Consultant
Travel Freak

Vacation ... note 1

Although I've updated quite a couple of times before this about the wonderful time and different feelings I'm experiencing in Gwalior.

But today I realized that although I've shared about my time in Gwalior but I never mentioned how actually Gwalior is .
Today lets start with that.
I'll make you friendly with this small city in Madhya Pradesh where my mother started her jouney.
She was born and brought up here in Gwalior.
It has its historic significance and occupies the major part in Madhya Pradesh.
It was ruled under Scindia which belong to Maratha clan. At the heart of Gwalior is the Gwalior fort that belongs to the Tomar dynasty.The massive Gwalior Fort, popularly called "the Gibraltar of India", overlooks the city.

Today, on my way to my great grandmothers house I was actually observing the city transport.
Mainly you'll find tempos and rickshaws but their type gives you that town feeling.
A feeling of a city as well as a village , both at the same time. This is how I see through my eyes and feel about it.

While passing through the cantonment area, I get a feeling of pride for our soldiers who're fighting for us at the border protecting our lives.
The areas where they live, their mess and everything gives a weird kind of a feeling which is simply awesome in itself.


My great grandmother lives in this area called birla mandir.
I've spent a great part of my childhood there . There is also this temple where I used to go with my mother's aunt and worshiped.


There is this swing of blue colour where I used to sit whole day long with Sheru (pet).
Its still there. Sitting there remembering all those childhood memories, swinging to and fro, feet rubbing against the wet green grass, It was so soothing.
I always go ans spend some time there.
Spotting whatever I used to do in front  of that swing, in front of whosoever sitting on it.
I used to dance on the song 'sharara sharara' from the movie 'mere yaar ki shadi hai'(bollywood).
Things were so plain, simple but best in its own way.
My grandpa has an amazing garden. I used to spend a great time there as well dancing around the tress, plants and those beautiful colorful flowers creating my own fairytale stories and enacting the characters. Ah !!! Now I see .. I was multi - talented since birth :)

Something happening apart from your daily schedule, meeting old relatives, knowing your mothers childhood friends, etc. marks its own importance.

I also learnt few things. I am not scared to accept that I was in love that is tending to fail but I need to stand for myself. I need to let it go because no one has got the right to wind or unwind the key of my life. It's okay I failed, but that doesn't mean that I failed for life.
I have my maa, my sister and my favorite friends who are always gonna be there for me, stand by my side for whatever it is, good or bad, failure or success. I don't need to be dependent on someone who simply keeps on walking in and out.

I know this is the story of my life, my feelings and emotions but I am 110% sure that every girl or a guy faces this. keeping aside the exceptions.

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant but its very important that you do it because nobody else will!"
-a friend


Since morning I am humming this song 'manchalaa manchala teri ore' !

sayonara for today...


keep reading me


Tanjul Sarkar
Jewellery consultant
Travel freak

Things I'd love to share...

These days I'm happy that I'm able to be regular ...

There are so many small things I am experiencing and enjoying during my vacations.
It's wonderful when I enjoy with my uncle and aunt. Their sweet, loving, caring and beautiful relation... the way my uncle teases my aunt .. that smile on her face...
Man... she becomes red..blushing blushing...
That's something which I miss in someones life who is very important to me !

There are many other small things which I'll share ...

The way every afternoon I spend with my younger brother watching movie.
I also realized today that how boring this movie "Rio 2" was ! I literally watched that movie because we patiently downloaded it and waited 3 long days for the download to complete.

One of the most important part of the day is when I spend time with myself. It's simply beautiful !
I listen to songs , walk to and fro at the same place and just imagine how can I make my life more better and amazing to live in.

That feeling when you meet your mom after a month... its just simply awesome and a bit emotional.
I know 1 month isn't a big deal because there are people  all around the world who're away from their family in different cities, states and countries for studies and work, who don't meet their family for like years .
But to be honest, I am obsessed with my mother.
Badly!!!

There are things in every ones life which one usually won't recall or want to listen again and again because that can only make you weak .
I too have that but I am happy as I am able to cope up greatly. But there are times when I just loose my patience and that feeling of guilt surrounds me. I know, I was the bridge for the bad thing to happen but still is it all because of me ????

Anyways, thanks to forum and Rakesh. Recently (last night), when I felt such .... they were (specially forum)  there to console me.
Thanks to lord for giving everyone that someone who's there at the time of your need, happiness, etc.
Thank you!!!

I wanted to come on this vacation since a long time.
I also realized and got a clear picture of what steps I gotta take after a year when I complete my diploma(2015).

I also wanna share about this friend Rakesh... who is becoming a good friend.
It's really scary at times to meet new people but then sometimes I feel that everyone isn't bad.
Maybe I am lucky enough that my friendship life is quite stable unlike my family.
Actually my family is stable.
I just presume things too much at times.

Also, it's amazing to talk to an old friend who was kind of a childhood enemy at one point of time.
It's incredible actually !

More experiences to add up...


Keep reading me...


Tanjul Sarkar
Jewellery Consultant
Travel Freak

Subconcious Feelings ...

Most of the times I connect to things which were never an important part in my life .
Like today morning while I was helping my aunt in the kitchen, I remembered Bhalla aunty who had a grocery store where my aunt lived before. I remember how frequently I visited her store for some or the other thing. I also remember her son who was kind of mentally retarded. I was very young enough to understand that he wasn't a character from some horror movie . I was too scared to face him whenever I visited the store.

 There are so many things/people/feelings our mind comes across and then it even forgets in a very short while.

I really don't understand whatever I write but I am happy because I see how my fingers get connected to the balanced bridge between my mind and my heart. That's the best part of whatever I write. I am of course not sorry about it.


I wonder, does this happen with everyone or it's just me.
I don't intend to make a big mountain of what I feel. It's me!
There are a few people who might not like this ME... but I'm happy with whatever I am.
It just simply completes me !

......


keep reading me

Tanjul Sarkar
Jewellery Consultant
Travel Freak 

Bangalore moments

Finally, got a proper internet connection to update my blog.
I really feel sorry for ANTAS at times..  as I am the most irregular one!

After the last time I updated my blog, so many things happened.... few people got added up in the list of friends in my life.
Let me name them first , Soumya and unexpectedly Ravis'  brother Rakesh.
Well, I visited Bangalore for one of my friend cum dada's (vathsav) wedding. It was a great time traveling with Ravi.
I can still feel that excitement in my voice when I reached Bangalore. To be  honest I really don't remember the place where I got down. The stop was called 'magestic' .
I was so happy !


Anyways , in that tired condition we reached the convention hall and had that proper South Indian Lunch in their proper South Indian style on Banana leaf.
The feeling was incredible.
I always wanted to attend a friends wedding that to in South India.
I know how I keep on reminding Vikram (batchmate at IIGJ) to invite me and Forum for his wedding to Salem, a small town in South India.

Anyways, It was a Saturday and my friends made it 'The Best Saturday' of my life. Lemme introduce to people who I was hanging around with. Santosh (obvio), Kiran , Khushboo, Seema , Prachi , Pavan , Ravi (ofcorse) , and yeah.... superb soumya... !
It's really difficult to recollect how but I am happy, soumya became a great friend.


That day was an alchoholic Saturday for me!
Noon alchoholic (beer) and night was AMAZINGLY alchoholic too !
Tanjul Sarkar was drunk.
This isn't something I need to announce but I am happy because it was one of the wishes on my wishlist.
It's amazing to see your wishes coming true and no more residing in the wish list.

It's sometimes great, when you don't remember some part of your life but at the same time you miss the fun !
That's bad !
 Real Bad !
Haha!!!

Anyways , the next day finally the big day arrived...Wedding. It was great to see those rituals happening, that traditional drum beats and all .. was loud but serene.
The feel again was awesome.
When you visit different places in India itself you really understand your country and are proud to be an Indian. I am proud too !

But again,  food is something which makes you forget every damn thing. I know I am a type of girl who wants to enjoy everything instead of  cribbing about it but god knows what happened to me, I was cribbing. I wanted to have a proper meal but only north indian food.
This doesn't mean that I was insulting their culture or something, but my silly tongue man. Irresistible !
I started to crave for chinese.
Afternoon was good. Spent time in the most unexpected company (khushboo) at CCD and the tagline was perfect for the situation as we became great friends ! ( 'A lot can happen over coffee')

Anyways, my wish was granted . Santosh , Ravi , Khush and me went out for proper chinese dinner to 'Chungwaah' !

Again it was one of the memorable nights without being alchoholic !

The next day, it was great to visit a mall named after your bestfriend, although unintentionally .
I did a lil shopping at Archies ... bought a mothers day card for maa.

Then Ravis' brother joined us and I'd thank him for taking us to this amazing place for lunch "truffles". Again it turned out to be awesome and its a great pleasure to see your friends enjoying "cheeseburst lamb burger" :)
Ooops I forgot to mention how badly I was into vulture hunting but sadly didn't find any !

I should not forget to mention how much I missed this amazing person whom I call Chatter (Chaitanya)... hope we could catch up next time.  Also wanna be with my 4%ers... 12 altogether!

Still I was happy because this activity of mine made my friends laugh . That's the best part of everything.
I had a moment of my life.

Would love to have such unexpected moments..


Keep reading me

Tanjul Sarkar
Jewellery Consultant
Travel freak

Out of the blues !!!

Again a weird  title I suppose !
Let me confess how bad I am when it comes to setting up some title for anything , an essay , design , etc.

Sometimes you get to realize big things in small ways like I did now.
I have never realized how few people start making difference in your life.
Yes , I am talking about one of my best friends Manas.
No doubt we are great friends, but few situations and timings make things appear at a very crossroad of confusions.
Although there isn't big confusion between us but just to consider, such situations do happen. Luckily our situation is far better as it has a bridge of faith, trust and friendship.

Ha! I smile, sitting in front of this laptop of mine, wondering how my cellphone needed Manas and he was at his rescue.
I haven't met him for quite a long time which no doubt seem  to me like ages, and finally he was here today.
No doubt we are busy with our life, his job, my studies but still I realize over time how important it is to keep in touch with those friends who never left your side even at that time when your were standing on a sheet of nails (difficult times).

Thanks for being there, Manas. Though spent quite a very less time as compared to before what we used to spend, still it was miraculous. I am happy that I have you.


Thanks for everything, my lifeguard :)


Keep reading me



Tanjul Sarkar
Jewellery consultant
Travel freak

Finally found YOU!

No doubt, reading the title any normal human will think that i finally found someone. But lemme tell you, here I am talking about a place I recently discovered . It's  beach basically in Mumbai. We had an outdoor class for photography and our professor took us there.
We started early morning 6 A.M., reached Versova fishing village by 7 and hence started with our random photography.

I was a bit upset as I am very passionate about photography after my profession Jewellery and I wasn't carrying a camera but guess what ! I got a dslr to handle. No doubt that was my Institute's property but for those 5 hours it was my property. I had to face a few problems handling that camera but ultimately I was able to capture Ultimate moments. This village reminded me of Belgharia in kolkata.
I always wanted to go and capture moments of people in a fishing village somewhere or the other with a troop of photographers and this was the day!

But all my happiness has one big hindrance, the foul smell of the fishes. This was the worst because there people dry fishes. A person not habituated in such location might feel sick and may faint.

Still we managed.
3-4 of us almost finished one of my friends deo. We kept on spraying on us for numerous times.
Then we boarded the ferry to cross the water and reached to this place mud island.
No doubt that smell wasn't tolerable but I am lucky enough that I got the opportunity of visiting  a place like that. I would have never discovered it.

We boarded the bus.. fun with the group.. then we walked down those empty roads clicking so many things.
I almost captured everything in my camera.
We were searching for Mud beach and then we reached.
First time in Mumbai I was  at a place where couples weren't sitting hand in hand or kissing passionately ,etc. Being honest that's the first thing I hate about the city.

Here there we fished being dried up in the sun on long bamboos placed horizontally like as we leave the clothes to dry.
That was a moment !
I felt like shouting Eurekaa!!!!
But didn't ofcorse.

Although I may not visit the place again but still I am thankful to out professor Sunil Sir, who took us there.
Best day at from my institute .

Will be uploading the images soon.


Keep reading me

Tanjul Sarkar
Jewellery Consultant
Travel Freak

Nostalgic

Hi,
writing after a long time... thanks to my friend Manas , he reminded me that I have a blog !


Many things happened overtime , good & bad both!

I learnt so many things
Well , the most important thing that happened in my life is the 'Trekking Expedition'.
That made me walk one step further towards my dream. Everyone dreams to have a great job , life , etc. etc. , but definition to my dreams is totally different.
Even i haven't ever realised that what I consider as my dream is it one , or still i have to discover the real one. Whatever it is, what matters to me is the present.

I won't say that I don't think about future. I do! That's a normal behaviour of a human being , to consider our future while one thinks about the present.
While facing dillemas I reach to this above stated situation but at the end I think of living my present.

Yeah so I was talking about my Trekking Expedition to Himalayan range, that was in Himachal Pradesh.
There were moments of "deja vu" ... where I lived my dreams of being in a forest , that canopy in the forests , etc. I made great friends . I witnessed the start of a beautiful love story, got that pamper from a big brother and what. I was totally living in my dream. Having lunch amidst the forest , sitting by the side of a waterfall in which chilled water from the north was flowing . What else can you imagine of !
That was the moment I became myself .
Earlier I used to live , or you can say did tend to live someone else's life by taking suggestions ,etc. I was lacking that confidence withing me. But now I am confident enough to stand alone for myself. I learnt so many other small things.
After returning I learnt the art of not expecting things to happen, which ultimately made me realise that things that are meant to happen will certainly happen, whether one wants it or not.
Life didn't stop but I became part of a group with dozen members that did become an important part of my book of life.

I started with my schedule and guess what ! a big challenge was waiting for me , Marketing project presentation. That was one of those big things happening in the 3 yrs of my diploma course.
I worked hard, day an night . I will never forget how 3 of my dearest friends helped me to cross this bridge very succesfully.
 Manas , Forum & Santosh , thanks for all your support.. Well I need to mention that even forum was a part of it and I won't step back to accept that she was a big confidence factor in the situation.
Thanks from the depth of my heart. After all the hardwork , we were rewarded.
I do agree i bitched about some bitches but on the long run I again realised that world is full of people who'll come, take credits and walk away , but those who realise and feel the victory lasts forever. I want to be a part of them. We stood first. That trophy is the first real trophy of my life.
I always dreamt of that!


Then again after a long time I visited my home.  I really enjoyed my vacation which I took on my own when I was missing some important classes!


These were the main things.
While in this long span of time, I discovered myself more deeply.
I learnt that there are many things I am capable of but lack of confidence is keeping me behing. There was a situation when I raised my voice in a protective manner infront of dozen unknown people. I understood that it is very easy to say Yes but saying No is one of the most difficult task. I understood very important thing that things done cosidering others happiness and not yours isn't a great thing. That's being coward.

I realised that I love a guy who isn't made for me, who isn't like me and who isn' t ready to do and except those small things that brings a smile on my face, who isn't considering me as an important priority. Truly speaking I was all heartbroken but again, my life didn't stop. I have the support of few very important people of my life, my maa, sister , forum, manas , santosh, mishika....these are few people who in their absence also tend to make me happy. That's the real meaning of happiness :)


Then one day me and Manas were discussing regarding our nearing future life where we'll have jobs and the negative vibes were surrounding us, but after a few weeks my cellphone blinked for a notification : " manas- i have my interview tomorrow"
that urge for happiness when you see your friend nearing to his dreams/ or can say the thing which he/she wants for that moment, the happiness and the joy in unexplainable.



These things alhtough explained in a very short manner have their own imporatce and taught me many lessons in their own way.

Preapring for my 4th semester exams & visitng bangalore for my dearest vatsav dada's marriage who's again gift from my trekking expedition..


Keep Reading Me

Yours
Tanjul Sarkar
Jewellery Consultant
Travel Freak

Not Just Another Birthday

A story of a guy that left me stunned with a magical feeling.....Here it is :

"Dated : 30 December 2013

Well, each year my birthday comes and goes like any other day..
There are a set of people who wish me , I thank them and the day is over...
My birthday is over!!!
But this year ... my birthday actually started a day before.
It started with a lot of confusion .....where to meet? how to meet? .. at the end just wanted to meet that someone very special..

We ended up at different places .. oh no !...more confusions !!!

.... And the birthday started the very moment I saw Tansen, my 'copper tellurium' crossing the road walking up to me.

I remember last seeing my watch at around 1pm when I was waiting for her...and next time I saw my watch it was 6:45 pm when I was boarding the local....
I never knew how time flew by.
I probably never had spoken to someone as much as I did yesterday with her.
It was simply beautiful, and music to my ears to hear Tansen speak. Indeed my birthday started a day before ...
Those strolls on the beach...with the chappals in her hand and her hair flying around...
I had not seen anyone pretty, she was beautiful!!!
It was all magical.
I was actually scared whether I was making a fool outta myself when I was with Tansen ...but then she made me feel very comfortable too.

Oh!!! Her smile is a killer...

And when I received the gift before departing .. the one that I wasn't supposed to open till 12...
Even now I can't recollect when was the last time I received a gift..
Not sure if I received any at all.. Or I received one to forget about it conveniently...
But there was something different about this gift ... Something special...
Was it the aroma or the feel..??
I was told the gift is delicate and so it is to be handled with loads of care...
At that moment even if she had given me a stone, I would have handled it carefully and protected it with my life...

The last time I saw Tansen was when she was about to board the bus.. She just turned around one last time before walking away..
At that moment, with the surprise gift in my hand... I walked away with a big smile on my face!!!
I was all super charged and had goosebumps all over my body...
wanted to go back to her..
but then I thought, 'what's the fun in going back when sometimes the pain of missing someone is more sweeter than the joy of having that person'.

My birthday actually started a day before and ended a day before ...

Today is just another customary day... when the same set of people will call me up and wish me like every other year ...
But yesterday, that one day with Tansen ... will remain stuck in my mind as sweet memories for years together ...
This was my birthday...
This was my gift.... "


-Anonymous

GeeENious diamond ltd.

Really , this company is the best company ever i could have .
company partners : Harshita Khemka , Bharat Verma , Forum Damani , Nikhil Jain and last but not the least Tanjul Sarkar ( me....gigglesss).

It all started just a month back , like planning and plotting and its today together we stand .

I am , as always I say , bad at explaining things , convey my emotions , express my feelings in words ,etc...So again I'm back here with the strongest machine which does all the above stated work for me , writing..(not as an author guys... I'm not a scholar)

Last few  days were like whuushhhh , came and went but the memories I collected in this quick pleasant storm are for LIFETIME.
I never thought I'd come uptil here but hatsoff to You people.

I know , all the readers are a bit confused , like what the hell I am talking about ....but don't worry , I'm gonna explain.

This Harshita and Bharat were short term course student at my institute for diamond grading... oopss I forgot one of the most important member too  whose gonna handle the marketing dept. of the company , Mr Nikhil (same course) .. and my soulsister  Forum , all know...!!!
We all met for lunch and from here our friendship start , a journey of 3 people from different cities and 2 mumbaikars .
Harshita from bangalore (b'lore) , Bharat from amritsar and me ... kanpur.

I know I am using quite heavy terms but its nothing like that.
Its just we loved spending time with each other . Whenever I was with them I forgot all  the existing "shittssss" in my life...haha.
Just , I learnt back again how can I be myself.... you know ... same old crazy gal tag !!! I love that tag... I wanna be that and all credit goes to Nikhil and Harshita and Forum... I know I couldnt tell you guys about it before as I thought you'll think I'm crazy but because you know it now , lemme tell you ... I got this from you ... I was feeling snatched away kind for the past few months ... but today I stand as ME.. accept it or not ... I'm gonna be the same ... I know the different and how it feels now !


Laughter moments , lunch times , getting late , pandya sir laughing , bharat cracking the silliest jokes in his typical punjabi accent , I laughing like a crazzyyyy funny bull , forum catching me from falling down , harshitas spinning head and best "cz , feather and black bindi in a packet, go home make diamond " .... wow.... moments for lifetime.. !!!

I don't really know when are we meeting next , but for me , this relation isnt seasonal.
I am scared to make things such close , but when a relation without any expectation comes up ... things become fantabulous...


Love you guys ... I really don't know whether you understood or not ...what I wanted to say but from the depth of my soul....we are GENIAASSSS forever....

Thanks...

This is for my soul sister ...
I think it might be very precise expressing my feelings here... but , I am really very happy that I have got that opportunity to be such an important part of your life . I am really wonderstruck that you chose me to present that surprise "Knapsack of hope"...
 Its one of the most beautiful and unexpected surprises of my life...
Thanks alot ...
Love you tonsss.....
Tanjul

No one can beat this...

Hi ....
I really don't know whether any one even did this or not , but i think that many might have done it because girls are girls..

I really went for nailpaint shopping with my soul sister "forum damani"..it's like ...tanjul really... our first nailpaint nailpaint shopping that too a proper one took place at colorbar

Really awesome experience....
love u soul sister...
can't even forget this day...

SOUL SISTER... HOW AND WHY IS A QUESTION ....

Hi ...  again a long time back I am here .

Today was day of fun only i suppose...Basically we were called by our design faculty to help our senior designer students backstage for the show IIJW thats going to held on Monday. But , but , but ....me and me other 2 friends : sharvari and forum (soulsister) were busy with our photoshoot .. Haha !!!
Actually , only 6 people were allowed in the Grand salon where rehearsals were going on along with the dresses and models...

One thing I really saw , that made my mind clear... No doubt models are super sexy alongwith their superrrr rude behaviour...
chuck it anyhow...

After we were given a legal permit by our faculty , we left the premises ... And then it was fun time with soul sister going shopping...

We were badly hungry no doubt ...

Any how , that was really fun searching for a bus to our destination with forum .... who spends nearly double money going via autorickshaw... its recession time...for us... :P

Shopping was so quick.... i really can't even imagine.... no doubt everything happens once in a lifetime.. hats off to forum damani...


It was a day of my first experiment of trying Italian Cuisine at "Ci-gusto" with soul sister... I know it sounds a bit funny , but never got such opportunity...


It was my second best Friendship Day with Forum Damani after 2011 which was spent with Mishika Srivastav , my sisso.

It was one of the greatest days i'll always love to cherish... thanks foruuuuuuuu...

For YOU :)

Well well well... again I'd start with a bit of mello , because without it sometimes I feel incomplete . Kidding huh !
I have never been good at expressing me feelings in person , really . This sometimes works as my strength but most of the times its an unwanted weakness too.
Now , its quite wondering that who is this  "YOU"...
Its one of my friends and My first friends in my carreer life in mumbai "Manas"...
I have rarely mentioned about him , that never meant that he never existed or never captured any importance in my life .

Yeah , we became friends on 17 june 2012 and after that we hardly talked or met .
It was after 1 yr when I shifted near his place and we met almost daily which still continues...
Really , after I got this friend ... frankly speaking , I never bothered about making new friends or running behind the existing ones , because lately I realised that it was hardly worth.
I don't mean that it was because Manas regularly visited me so we had been in touch regularly , but you know there is always a connection . He was my friend , he is my friend and will be my friend forever.
I know my nature is , 'was' to be precise ...like first being close to someone and then running away from that person giving silly excuses... but things do change ,  I have fealt it so not to worry Manas , this wierd and stupid crazy friend of yous is never ever gonna excape from your life..

It is really strange  , friends say " whenever you need me , just remember my name and i'll be there !" No doubt this is very true, but not always and not with everyone. This is the reason I stopped believing on all these sayings but truly Manas , in a way or other proved both the parties wrong (silly friends and me )...He really made me realise that one should never run after people or run after making new friends because hardly few are gonna stay forever . Its just how to choose those 'few' .

Many things were coming up on my mind but don't know why , everything disappeared.

I don't know and ever bother where do you or me belong...But this friendship is strong enough to make us belong to a world where truth lies...

Thanks for being there always and your encouragement and support...
Don't still feeling as if I missed hell lot of things but I am happy finally I managed to express something with the magic of words :)

Be happy always ... YOU rock !!!

:)

Thoughtss..

Hi,
Finally i'm back here after a long time . Was out for vacations .
After I am back , I don't really understand whats actually happening and going on in my mind but seriously this is something , my institute friends aren't gonna like it . Till date I was something , like yeah u can say that I was real me but now as situation changes I understand we too need to be with the flow , but with that we never have to forget that we all have our own individuality.
I know this might be a regular teenage problem but frankly it really makes me more and more crazier each time I give it a thought.

I am reading this novel by Nicholas Spark " The Last Song" . Don't worry I'm not going to talk about any romantic stuff or something but there was a situation when the girl's father thinks and understands his daughter and decisions as this is a peculiar age . The only difference with me in real life is this that I don't have 'that' father's heart who supports his daughter and understands him .
My dad is alive , but ....
I might be sounding rude.


I am witnessing this change of being bold , not caring about what people actually think about me , expect from me . I am not scared to accept the truth, whatever it is (good or bad). I need to be stron in a situation like this where I dont have my father to say " go on child , if any mishap takes place , I'm there . Don't worry ! ".
Really I need that but there is one more truth that I can never forgive him , I can never love him and i can never hate anyone like I do to him.
I know this very strage like the way I'm talking about my father but now I really don't expect anything to be back on track. He hardly bother . For him if  I'm a headache , wow ...
I , no doubt , am independent with my thoughts but just one thing has changed me and made me dependent , its'money'.
I really need to work hard and prove people , I wasn't a waste ever.
No one has the right to judge me , my character , my individuality but along with the world , my own dad has judged me so very well . I will shut his mouth.
Earlier I expected , he'd make everything alright , work on his mistakes , but I was wrong . And now , I don't even wanna give a damn to it . GO TO HELL ! I don't care.
I am no more scared to accept this publicly because if anyone wanna befriend me then this isn't gonna make any difference.

I know I have hurt many people in last 1 yr , but today I am sorry .
I really am !
Not because I need them today but just because my heart wants me to apologise . I started living in my own fantasy world but it did break because I faced the truth. These things look good in movies only. They aren't meant for a story in real life .
I did hurt the 2 most important people of my life , my un biological sister and someone special : mishika and abhijeet ... both are srivastavs..


In last 1 yr, I got good friends forum and abhijeet (in mumbai) ... and my work ... my second love :)

I really cannot reverse the time but all I can do it to hope and keep trying.

I really have no answers to their why ? But I wanna say , I Love You (mishika and abhijeet ).

me .... again

I don't know how many people out there are really reading me , thinking about the situation with their own way of handling them . I really don't know in past few years what have I gained or may be lost ....Actually i might be knowing but I really don't have a coun'on them . WOW !!! Isn't it ?

I have always thought that this life is so got damn easy , means I really wondered why the great scholars and  philosophers mentioned such things but now I realise that no doubt , they deserve to be what they were and deserve the respect which people do offer them . I know I'm simply confusing the whole screwed up situation but still this is what actually going on in my mind.


Lot many people came and went away as I have mentioned it before , this is kind of a ritual of life . People come and go making the incidences happening or happened a chapter of a great book called life .
Similar situation exists here , which I'm talking about !

Today evening I was thinking about this more than friend of mine 'Abhijeet' . You know what is the best part in him ? He always tried to make me feel low . But lemme correct here , he encouraged me and threw out some catchy hurting words which I feel make me low. But today I was wondering that , although I felt low for may be a day or two , but at the end , I improved myself and tried not to make that mistake again !
There may be such friends in everyone's life I suppose!

Its today I realised that few people who made a chapter in my book mentioned that I was selfish , egoistic , umm... stubborn and many more words from the english dictionary, were right. I always thought and said that why the hell they prove me like the ones in those words but today is the day I realise that yeah , I always wanted to see the world and treated them with the perspective I wanted to ignoring all the if's and but's . I expected that this whole world should walk the way and direction I want it to move.
But this is not right . If I always wanted to be a good human being or may be a good person as the great philosophers and so , atleast I should have respected them by trying to know what they wanted !
I always made my choices , no doubt the situations always helped me in making the bad and wrong choices . argh !!!
I am a simple normal girl but then , I'm accepting that I always pretended to be great .
I pretended or may be that was within because I never tried to correct myself as I always thought I was right ....

Today , I have made the greatest mistake of my life and I'm sure thats for final !
Actually it's not the greatest but yeah it's one of those which ultimately screwed me up badly !


Now onwards , I'm sure I'm nomore going to make any such decisions and if in anycase I'm going to make one then that will be the perfect one.
I have experimented with my life alot , now I cannot afford to do it anymore to myself. I really don't even have the option to reduce this mental pressure of an unsuccessful decision on my mind by blaming some or the other person because it was MY decision .
I won't say its worthless , because ultimately I have learnt the most important lesson of my life. I am really not made for these experiments . I was the one who decided few things before stepping in this city where I live now , but then I only ruined up the whole thing !  Wow .. !!!
There was a movie " Band Baja Baraat " in which the lead actoress also does the same thing . I'm just giving an example , don't wanna connect with the situation there because it was a movie .

Now its time,  finally I have to put a fullstop to all this stupidity and start afresh !
Its been one whole year I have been  here and no doubt I have been through hell lot many ditches ! But now , they are meant to be over because they themselves are saying 'enough' !
huh ... !!!
I don't wanna play anymore  ! Because I cannot run anymore from me . I need to accept few thing and just appear totally new tanjul sarkar !
Already , I have suffered hell lot because of my ....
But now I have got to do something for my sister , for my mother  and then settle and have a family of my own ... Yeah I want to  .. I suppose every girl wants that !


There are hell lot many words from the dictionary I want to use to express myself but I think its enough for now ... I really wanna thank my sister "tanisha"..
I hardly think I've ever mentioned her name , its kind of a relationship we both share. Fights and love but at the end we both stand for each other ... really love her alot and for this change that is gonna get in me I'd like to thank Tanisha and Abhijeet and Maa and yaa , mishika too.


There's one more person I wanna thank who got me a different version of mine , but then I really don't wanna take his name . It hardly matters to him . He is very practical n least emotional.. huh ! God bless him !

Feeling far relieved ...
thanks antas

After a very long time ...

Hi to all .
These days due to various reasons i'm a bit infrequent here but yeah , it always keeps running on my mind "ANTAS"... because its a part of me only !

Yesterday , we made up a plan to go for this superhit movie "Iron Man 3" which was just awesome in simple words . Oops , forgot to describe we . We , I meant for me and my very good old friend of this city Manas . Literally , had great company of him .
There was this part when all the suits of Iron Man came out to the battle field , I was totally out of my mind yelling whoooooo n clapping ... whoa .
Sometimes when I think of him, our superhero , I wish I were a supergirl type stuff having those high tech inventions n blah blah blah !!!! day  dreams !!!!

Aftr this movie was over , I was to return home for it was late but to add my anxieties , manas took me to the back road near my resident ... and that was the another moment of the day . Knowing this place where i recently shifted ,  enjoying my ride .... that cool breeze...!

                                                    After a long time  ... I lived myself !!!

That very shine of a smile ...

Its been a very long time i have interacted with people all round this globe.
There have been hell lot of changes in the past few months which made me learn a few very important lessons of my most important exam of "LIFE"...

It was last Sunday when i was on a road trip in our fav car wagonR going to town within mumbai .
me and other 4 friends of mine - sharvari , nikita , karan and amogh ; were laughing out loud and were cracking the worlds most silliest and worst pj's . As usual we stopped when traffic light was flashing red and there came a vendor selling those sheets which prevented sunlight falling in the car . Frankly i cannot recollect what it is called but yeah , i disripted the use of it.
We were in mid of that traffic thinking what shall we do ? we should buy it or not !???? And then we decided we'll buy 2 for rs.100 and the vendor agreed .


It was then when i noticed his eyes and kept looking at it for continuously 3-4 minutes when i realised that how important it was for him to sell those things. How happy he became when he sold 2 of them to us.
His eyes were glittering by the reflection of sunlight , it means his eyes were a little watery !
How tuff it is for him to run in between the vehicle while they stop when traffic light flashes red !
How rarely people do buy those things ? Suddenly 100's of questions captured my mind with hardly any answers to it and i kind of tried hunting those answers by cutely asking my friends , why is there so much of differences !
WHY?
In this race of poor and rich , emotions are slowly and gradually losing its grab on people.
I  hope my future generation thinks a little

Is it so easy ???

" You never know ".. this i grabbed from one of my seniors and my bestie... really , sometimes i feel how different it is to plan a totally different thing for yourself and with new people , time and surroundings , some totally new things and plans come up to you. It was a time when i never thought this way or you may say decided not to think this way but now i am . You really don't wish to give this right to anyone to hurt you , abuse you or do anything which makes you sad , but as time goes on things change and the things which you never wished for are youselves encouraging for.
I know you all might be very well confused to make up what i actually want to say .... Its just you think something , something different happens....blah blah blah............